Tornado Assassination Fails, Still Yields Millions of Points

Well, you got us. We tried a devious scheme and it almost worked, but those damn Windy City engineers and architects seem to have designed Chicago buildings well enough to keep our fellow points bloggers safe.

You see, we’re tired of being nationally and internationally famous for being the third-and-a-half-biggest travel blog in the world. We would like to move up to at least number two or, G-d willing, the top spot. And so when we heard the world’s top travel bloggers would all be gathered in Chicago for the big seminar, we saw our chance to make things right.

We are not old school gangsters, just classy gentleman of leisure. But we definitely wanted to kill the competition. So we thought back to an article about some guys in Abu Dhabi who learned how to control the weather. They were using their machinery to make rain in the desert for food or something, but we figured we could use it for something far more noble: a murderous tornado. But sadly, our mission failed, and the bloggers who actually have insight and real knowledge of the travel industry lived to write another day.

It was such a simple plan.

On the whole, however, the undertaking was not a total loss. We paid roughly $350 million for the machinery and setup, with $35,000 on our Sapphire Preferred and the remainder on our Platinum card (thanks for no limit Amex!), so at least we earned over 350 million points (350,037,450 after the 7% dividend on the Ultimate Rewards points). And luckily we’ve already found a buyer for the tornado machinery in executive producer and all-around nice guy Steven Spielberg, who begins shooting Twister 2: More Twisters soon. You read that right folks, Bill Paxton is not dead.

But if you know anything about the editors here at Points Envy it is that we never give up. Maybe next time, the elite bloggers of the points world won’t be so lucky….

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4 responses

  1. Brainiac

    Boy, you guys are such idiots. Everyone knows that tornados are fed by warm ground and disrupted by cold ground. Those bloggers are so cool that there was no way your scheme would work. Try using it to pick up hot fashion models instead!

    October 30, 2012 at 11:04 am

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