Op-Ed: We Desperately Need More Guns on Planes
Fact: Terrorists have never hijacked an airplane when every passenger on board was carrying a loaded weapon. Fact: If airplanes had existed at the time, the founding fathers would have written the Second Amendment to make it clear that passengers have the constitutional right to carry firearms on planes. Fact: Firing a gun on an airplane is somewhat dangerous, but that dangerousness is clearly overcome by how awesome it is. [Ed. note: See Air Force One and other movies.] Fact: People who don’t like guns shouldn’t be flying on planes anyway.
We highlight the above facts as an introduction to today’s op-ed because we have noticed that people are not always fully informed when it comes to firearms and airplanes. With these facts in mind, we’d like to submit a simple solution to all of our airline security issues: every passenger over the age of twelve should be required to carry a firearm on every flight.
The future of air (and space) travel.
Some readers might balk at this suggestion, immediately assuming that the presence of guns on planes will lead to more violence in the air. To these readers we point to countless studies that have repeatedly shown that in a room of three angry people, fewer people are likely to die if every one of them has a gun than if only one or two of them has a gun. We are therefore confident that a widespread introduction of weapons would only effect a decrease in the number of shootings on board commercial aircraft.
In addition to the obvious security benefits, the cost savings would be enormous. We could get rid of most of the TSA, and Federal Air Marshals would no longer be required on every flight. Although a sizeable investment would need to be made in arming all passengers, World War II and other historical events have proven that this type of mass spending on weapons is a huge boost for any economy. Therefore, not only would we save money in the long run, but we would also likely end the current financial downturn.
Points Envy is currently at work on an official petition in support of this proposal, and we have also started to get in touch with our local representatives. If you would like to get involved, please contact us at firstname.lastname@example.org.